Mindfulness meditation benefits and changes brain structures in 8 weeks

Mindfulness meditation benefits and changes brain structures in 8 weeks

Death Penalty and Buddha

Not too long ago I was reading a friend's online comments about the death penalty having been repealed in Connecticut.  There were several viewpoints express by many who responded. I did not reply, but it got me thinking. 


Without explicitly stating my position on the whole thing, I feel comfortable stating that I am  OK with not penalizing folks who need to kill another in self-defense. But, what about when the damage is done? What about when someone does something terrible and someone needs to be held accountable? 


I started thinking about the act of inflicting death...killing...etc. I thought about the horrible executions committed by the likes of Hitler, Manson, etc...  Then I imagined that I was side by side with a total stranger and someone said one of us has to die, and I had to decide who it was. What would I do? I wasn't sure. At first I thought, "If it's me or him who has to go, it's him." Then I thought, "What would Jesus or Buddha do?" ...He probably wouldn't say "it's him."  What would make this scenario more helpful? I thought about how maybe greater universal powers are really at play when it comes to life and death. Assuming that, then it would be more realistic to imagine that it was Buddha telling me that I or my neighbor has to die. And then it came like an epiphany. I remembered an old Zen Koan: "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him!" 


I laughed out loud. That Koan is designed to get Zen practitioners to understand that if one met Buddha (found enlightenment) on the road (in their practice), then one should kill him (disregard what they think is enlightenment because it is just an illusion that one will get attached to.) I had suddenly found a different use for it. The Koan reminded me that the problem is not whether or not the person needs to die; The problem is in whatever is making us decide to kill. Anyone who thinks that killing is the wise thing to do, may want to meditate on the koan to understand that killing is an illusion of the right or wise thing to do. And to the person who needs to kill in self defense - they are just killing the Buddha they meet on their path. 

Catholic Jesus, Buddha, incense, and gold

Today I was in a Catholic Church...probably for the first time in over 8 years, and as I stood in the pew and took it all in, I began to realize why I was enjoying it so much. I was surrounded by hard-wood, red carpets, frankincense, and gold. It was quiet. The vibe was formal, sacred, (and also more patriarchal than I like to admit in this case). I asked myself, "where have I felt this before, recently?" ...And then it dawned on me. The reason it felt so familiar and proximal was that about a week and a half before today I visited the international Buddhist meditation center. There, too, I had found myself surrounded by tall statues, red carpets, quiet humble silence, gold... and Buddhist centers also often burn incense.

I have always been one of the first to find common denominators between religions. Just the same, I was amazed to find these striking similarities in these two very different (or maybe no so different) religious contexts.

How many other religious sanctuaries would provide the same effect?? ...You have to wonder.

Then I wondered about all the things that the two god-heads have in common. But this wasn't about Jesus and Buddha. Many protestant churches are different from this. This was specifically about the Catholic church and the most formal Buddhist places of worship.

Here are some of my thoughts about this...

...I have heard many refer to Buddha as the Jesus of the East. Historically speaking, however, it Jesus would be the Buddha of the West. That's because the first Buddha (Siddhartha Gotama) was actually born about 500 years before Jesus. Anyway, they were both highly evolved human beings who had profound spiritual revelations and were in some ways prophets in that they directly experienced the divine and shared their wisdom with others.

... Jesus and Siddhartha Gotama were both men, and the original followers of these prophets were primarily men, and the living god-heads (like the Pope, and Tibetan Buddhism's Dalai Lama and their respective Cardinals / archbishops / priests, and monks) ...are all men.   ...making both of their religions highly patriarchal.

...Gold, red carpets, and incense: Gold is valuable, Red carpets are regal, and incense is smoke. It makes sense for us to place valuable things such as metals (like gold), around things that we value or worship. I think this is about the personification of divinity. I also think that this may tie back in some ways to patriarchy and power. (Money=Power=Control). Red carpets are not so valuable, but somehow got culturally ingrained as being associated with the sacred. We know that red is a symbol of passion, so maybe that has something to do with it, too. Lastly, in many modes of religion and spirituality, smoke is viewed as having the ability to send prayer and intention up to the gods or into the universe towards manifestation. Smell is also one of the most powerful ways that the brain makes associations. We associate the smell with the sacred. Once we smell it, we quirky become open and poised for spiritual growth.  So functionally, the smell will bring you back and open you to the sacred. Speaking of association, the same goes for gold and red. All these factors form a beautifully self-reinforcing cycle that keeps them in place, and helps these two religions stay strong.

(I final caveat.  There are many Buddhists and Christians who practice in the absence of these factors. I know and repeat this, I was focusing here on larger social and psychological trends)

...Any way you put it, it's amazing what some time in a spiritual place of worship can do for you!

UPDATE: Modern Family Therapy and Pragmatic Spirit

Greetings!
As you may have noticed above above, I have made made some changes to the Title and Description of this blog so that it better represents what I initially set out to do with it. It just took me a little more time to transform it from an abstract thought to something more daily communicated with words...

If you know anything about me, you know that I strongly believe that total wellness is physical, mental and spiritual, and that I try to live from the pou stó in my personal, social, and professional lives. I wanted to have a space to write and share and learn with others about how people are living like this, or grappling with dilemmas related to this. I hope to connect with others who get as much meaning as I do from discussing these kinds of ideas.

Best Wishes,
-Nate

"Me Time" After work

I sometimes pop into a bar after a long day of work. Often I marvel at that wide range if people - mostly people who just finished working, from what I can tell, with ties, blue collars, construction boots, to backpacks. Don't they have families? I'm sure they do, as do I. If I can back the next day, would I find all the same people? I imagine only a few are nightly regulars. I am left thinking about what people do to unwind after work, if anything. Is unwinding even needed? I will go ahead and say YES, especially of you have a family or some other continued responsibilities once you get home! Now the bar is certainly not the go-to unwind strategy, not if you need something regularly, and not if you have a family. The point is thy we should all have a few different thugs to choose from that can help to take a little "me time" before transitioning from work to family. This prevents you from suffering as well as your family from suffering from your unhappiness. I'm only talking about a couple of minutes. I am interested in hearing how you all do this....a good radio show on the way home? ... A hot shower when you get home? Maybe you get your "me time" once everyone is in bed... Either way you're probably doing something and if not I challenge you to think of something that works for you and your family ( if you have one).

Live Positively

Did you know that according to the research of positive psychologist Dr. Marc Seligman, people with pessimistic and self-blaming attribution style of explaining bad events are more likely to suffer from depression, experience hormonal and immune system changes, and are more likely to die younger?

Changing your attitude about the things that happen to you can take some time and maybe even some help from others. To get a head start, you can keep a journal of things that you are grateful for, and make sure you write something in it every day. Another thing you can do is practice self-forgiveness. If you blame yourself, focus on the thing that you did, and just make a commitment to do something different next time - this focuses your mind on your options and power to make choices. This also prevents you from mentally sealing your fate.  Lastly, I recommend beginning some kind of mindfulness based meditation practice. This will help you to become more aware of automatic thought and emotional patterns, and also to become less reactive to them. If you can do this, even if you have a tendency to shame yourself, you can see it happening, and chose to let it be a fleeting thought instead of a trap.

Acknowledging Holotropic States of Consciousness in a New Paradigm of Science - Abstract

Abstract

The current leading Newtonian-Cartesian paradigm falls short in accounting for a wide range
of data, warranting a more holistic and multidisciplinary paradigm This paper is a theoretical analysis of the current paradigm, as well as the emerging one. The classical leading paradigm is reviewed in historical context. The shortcomings and limitations of the current paradigm are described. Various books, selected journal articles, and personal observations are used to validate the necessity for a shift from the current paradigm. The emerging paradigm unites modern physics and consciousness research with ancient wisdom traditions. Fritjof Capra and Lawrence LeShan describe parallels between modern psychics and ancient wisdom traditions of the East. The works of Rhea White, Michael Harner, and Stanislav Grof are used to confirm the ubiquity  and  validity  of  holotropic  states  of  consciousness.    Grof’s  Holotropic  model  and   Hutchins’  Gnosis  model  are  described  as  two  of  the  many  holotropically  oriented  models  of  the   psyche. The support from these contemporary intellectuals sustains the argument for a necessary paradigmatic shift taken by transpersonal psychology.

(To be continued. Feel free to contact me for full citation of any works referenced)

Special Edition on Healthy Lasting Love

CRAZY LOVE

Remember teenage crushes and being “head-over-heals-in-love.” Well, if you do, you may also remember that everything that happened from about 12 to 20 years old was filled with emotional turmoil. As a teenager, anything can turn you head-over-heals. Certain things about adolescence make love and romance particularly crazy-making. This includes a spike in hormones, a brain that is not fully developed in areas of complex decision making, and not yet having a solid sense of identity. So, why might love still drive you hog-wild as an adult?

 More Growth = Better Love

It may help to keep in mind that your first love may have taken place during the time when your brain was still developing towards its adult form. Emotional pathways linked to thoughts and feelings associated with love were formed. So there is a tendency to act in those ways that are pre-programmed, so to speak. But don’t worry. You are not stuck with that teenage love-mind. Current research is demonstrating that our brains have plasticity. This means that pathways can change. This is why some adult couples still act like teenagers, and others have gotten better with age. It just takes a little work to get better at regulating emotions, knowing yourself, and balancing give with take.  

Couples Development - First, I want to say a little bit about the development of a couple’s relationship.
 Many theories about couples development say that couples develop in a way that parallels early childhood development with parents. One of my favorite theories about this is by Ellen Badder, Ph.D., and Peter T. Pearson, Ph.D., who based their work on Margaret Mahler’s theory of childhood development.  Basically, Badder and Pearson propose that a relationship starts with Symbiosis, where each person in the relationship basically merges their life with the other. This is the intense bonding in what we call the “honeymoon” phase, or feeling “madly in love.” Eventually, differences arise and a couple needs to face their differences, thus entering the second phase, Differentiation. I can tell you that theory and experience tells me that most relationships don’t make it past this point. Most people have to go through at least a few relationships before something long-term comes to be. In the next phase, couples practice doing things apart from each other. They each focus a bit more on themselves. This is called Practicing. More conflicts and power struggles can come up here. Eventually, each person will be a little more secure about who they are in the relationship, and Rapprochement occurs. Each person starts focusing more on the relationship and emotional support again. Couples in rapprochement can more easily alternate between independence and increased intimacy. As Bader and Pearson in their book, In the Quest of the Mythical Mate, 1988*, explain the later phases in couples development,“Encouraged to grow through external contacts in the world and strengthened by the knowledge that they are loved by each other, the couple may enter a later phase of constancy, in which the perfect is reconciled with the real and the stage of mutual interdependence is attained.” Here we see a balance between deep intimacy and love, and each person being secure in themselves. This is the polar opposite from couples who are co-dependent, where feelings and actions are based completely on another person, and each person in some way loses themselves. 

I like this theory because it spells out what many of us have felt as we strain and struggle to grow our relationships. It challenges the myth of “happily ever after,” and implies that commitment and honesty are critical  if a relationship is to last in a healthy way. 

David Schnarch, Ph.D. is one of the leading authors and researchers on love and intimacy. He based much of his work on Murray Bowen’s concept of differentiation. “Differentiation,” simply put, means one’s ability to think, feel, and make decisions freely on their own; being able to “balance their independence with interdependence” in a relationship (Schnarch, 2012 in press*). His most recent developments support that the happiest couples have individuals with the ability to manage their own negative feelings, balance holding one’s ground with picking one’s battles, stay mindful and in control of one’s self, and be able to get out of one’s “comfort zone.”

Life in training

I recently taught a young man how to ride a bicycle. Someone had told me it would be a lot easier to teach an adult than it would a child, since he has all of his gross and fine motor skills. Even thought he learned the skill on just a couple of hours, I was - in a somewhat nostalgic way- surprised to see that even the most basic parts of riding a bike were so foreign to this young man. From hand placement, to the act of pedaling, to the way to sit on the seat. I started thinking about the capacities that I, and many of us, may take for granted. I thought about how each and every one of us is unique in the experience and ability that we have, and how easy it may be to take this for granted. How is one to assume that the person sitting next to them on the bus, or across from them in the classroom, has the same experience in mind, in body, or in soul? This was a lesson in compassion for me. Thanks to this young man, I feel that I can be more sensitive to the easily overlooked fact that we are each on a unique journey, and the only way to truly know anyone is to ask, connect, and have an honest relationship. We are all learning to ride the vehicle of life, on our own pace, and each on our unique path with its own terrain.

Web MD article supporting relationships

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/relationships-marriage-and-health?page=2

Trained In One State, Licensed In Another. How to get licensed in a state different from where you got your degree.

Trained In One State, Licensed In Another.

How to get licensed in a state different from where you got your degree.

When I moved from Connecticut to California my plan was simple enough. I was going to get my PhD in clinical psychology from an APA accredited school, then move back home and start my career. Things got a little bit more complicated when I changed my mind about my career path less than a year later, and realized that I wanted to be a marriage and family therapist. Yes, things did get more complicated because my preferred educational institution was not COAMFTE accredited. As cited on the AAMFT web site:

The Commission of Accreditation for Marriage and Family Therapy Education is a specialized accrediting body that accredits master's degree, doctoral degree, and post-graduate degree clinical training programs in marriage and family therapy throughout the United States and Canada. Since 1978, the COAMFTE has been recognized by the United States Department of Education (USDE) as the national accrediting body for the field of marriage and family therapy. (AAMFT 2011)

In Connecticut, one needs to have graduated from a COAMFTE accredited school, or from a program that meets COAMFTE criteria (CT CPH). As in many other states, if one has a degree from a non-COAMFTE accredited school, one must provide syllabus and course description documentation sufficient enough to convince board reviewers that the criteria have been met.  This also means that the clinical hours and supervision criteria for pre-graduate practicum must have been met and, subsequently, post graduate internship have to be completed in the licensing state, according to state criteria. 

While I mentioned recently that this made my projected career path more complication, it did not feel this way at the time because, as I enthusiastically started my new training program in advanced standing, feeling proud that I was gong to get a terminal degree which would allow me to have the carer I wanted without 5-7 years of graduate school in a PhD program - I had absolutely no idea whatsoever about how convoluted it would be to get my education approved in another state, not could I have anticipated the intricate labyrinth of state policy and statutes that i would bewilderingly stumble through. 

I believe I was coming to the end of my 2nd year of the 3 year Masters in Counseling Psychology program at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. Like several other graduate schools in CA at that time, while ITP was not COAMFTE accredited if met criteria for licensure in California. So, knowing how steeped the history of marriage and family therapy is in The Golden State, I thought what many had figured. Indeed, I believed what I was told by teachers and mentors, that if you could get licensed in CA, you could get licensed anywhere. Well one could imagine my surprise when I thought that I would just check things out before registering for the courses of my last year in graduate school.  The first thing that I learned was that one could not make up courses after they had graduated in order to meet Connecticut criteria. So, then I had to compare my course curricula to those specified on the CT DPH web site.  Before even making my assessment, I needed to convert my school’s trimester credits to (more standard) semester credits. I learned that I needed to add a couple of courses to my program of study. Then I learned that while CA only required 500 LMFT supervised hours of pre-graduate practicum,  Connecticut needed 1000. I needed to continue graduate school even thought I had met the criteria to graduate, in order to ensure that I could continue my career in Connecticut. This meant working over-time at multiple practicum placements if I did not want to delay graduation. 

If I in any way led the reader to believe that finding this information was easy, let me take the opportunity to clarify. In an age where we are used to finding out everything we need to know through the Internet, one will swiftly encounter disappointment when attempting to research licensure out of graduate school for a different state. Most state licensing boards refer to state statutes for many critical pieces of information, such as ... what an approved supervisor is, and what the ratio of group to individual supervision is. Moreover, the definition of individual or group supervisor can actually vary, for example, some states refer to individual supervision as 2 or less supervises with one supervisor, but not all states agree on this. 

Also, language can vary. What one state calls a pre-graduate practicum, another may call an internship, and what one state refers to as an internship, another state may call post-graduate practicum. I had to find out through a phone call with CT DPH that courses could not be made up after graduating. This critical piece of information was on available   in the licensing criteria published on the state web site, nor was it anywhere i could find in the several related state statutes that I read in my preparation. 

While this information was cumbersome it’s acquisition, it made my licensure in Connecticut feasible. Moreover, I knew more about the licensure process than my counterparts in the state while I was accruing my post-graduate experience subsequently getting my license. To anyone considering graduate school in a place other than the state where they wish to get licensed for marriage and family therapy, I would suggest the following guidelines. 

1. Research statutes: This means finding your state board’s regulatory web site and looking up the criteria for licensure. I also means looking up the relates state statutes and reading them over for any details that might pertain to your program; One should also call and ask any questions not addressed in the specified criteria or relates statutes. I knew my contact at the DPH by first name. I called her often, and we exchanged emails when I needed clarification several times. It is never too early to start this one, I would recommend doing this before even committing to your graduate program.
2. Customize Your Curriculum: If you completed number 1 early, you might  just pick a COAMFTE accredited program. If, as I did, you want a specialized program and are willing to take extra steps to get licensed, then work closely with you school’s registrar from the start to plan out a custom curriculum. Make sure your school will allow it. Most would would probably not have a problem in your wanting to register for more classes, especially since it may mean having to pay increased or extend tuition. 
3. Be prepared: Save multiple copies of your proof of your pre-graduate practicum forms. Also save a copy of your course catalogues with course descriptions for each year. Save a copy of each course syllabus. Get the forms signed for the state that you will get licensed in. I had them signed in California, asked the chair of the program to keep an extra copy on file, and then kept my copy in a safe for 2 years. Do not be surprised if your state licensing board wants pre-graduate practicum documents, and course curriculum, send directly from your school. 

Becoming an LMFT is an enriching, thrilling, and wonderful endeavor. One should take measures to ensure that the hard work it requires is not done in vain.  This article is an effort to help those planning to get licensed in a state other than that where they receive their graduate training, to do so with as few unwanted surprises as possible. By following these guidelines most people should have an easier, and smoother time planning out their career and path towards MFT licensure. 

How do you maintain mood over the lean months of Winter?

You’ve given dozens of merry wishes, heard just as many good tidings, maybe even have had the joy of unwrapping a desired gift from your wish list, or tried to hide your disappointment when it wasn't what you expected. Before you could catch your breath from all of that... the words “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” barrels across the globe and rattle’s your skull - and the next thing you know it’s 2012!

That would be great except for the fact that, if you are like many people, you have just spent the past three months wrapped up in celebrating holiday after holiday since  Halloween. You may have taken your only vacation from work until summertime, if you’re lucky. Now it’s all over. You may feel as though you have nothing to look forward to except three more months of winter, snow storms, doing your taxes, getting used to writing “2012”, and maybe valentines day. Now you have to cope with life going back to “business as usual.”  

Many people begin to feel what I am calling the Post-December Doldrums in early January. Over the past three months we have been riding on socially constructed happiness, gratitude, or family time; That is, in most cases what holidays are. Since no one with enough power has decided to make Groundhog Day a national holiday, the ball is in your court when it comes to feeling good. 

For starters we can thank Martin Luther King Jr., George Washington, and Abraham Lincoln not only for their service but for inspiring our government to declare 2 winter Mondays as national holidays (Martin Luther King Day is January 16th, and Presidents Day is February 20th). Three-day weekends surely do help with the winter doldrums. 

Beyond going back to a reliance on holidays to boost your mood, there are some things we can all do to help us out of our holiday withdrawals. And yes, it is possible to prevent them.

Sunrise - The days have stopped getting shorter, and are beginning to lengthen. While you are probably looking forward to longer days and earlier sunrises, this time of year is just past the shortest day, and grants one gift that is easy to take for granted. The sun rises at about 7:15am at the beginning of January, and towards the end of the month it gets closer to 7:00am.  That is about 2 hours earlier than the summer solstice times. This means that it might be the easiest time of year to witness the sunrise. In many traditional eastern philosophies such as that of the I-Ching or traditional chinese medicine, it is believed that the Winter is dominated by Yin energy, characterized by the cold, still, slow, dark nature of the season. Sounds like the perfect ingredients for depression, right? Well, according to these traditions, in order to stay healthy one must always maintain balance of Yin and Yang energy. One uses traditional practices to do this. Since sunshine is a major source of Yang energy in the universe, watching the sunrise will restore the body, mind, and spirit to a healthy balance. You may remember from last month that sunlight has been proven to combat depression. Even more pragmatic - witnessing the glorious, bright, and dynamic nature of the sunrise is never easier than in winter,  and is the perfect way to get energized and jump-start your day... and it’s free!

Gratitude - “Gratitude” is defined in the New Oxford American Dictionary as “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” The most current research in positive psychology has shown that practicing gratitude boosts happiness and mood, and can even increase people's maximum happiness level. Positive psychologists add further that in order to gain the most out of gratitude, one should practice both feeling and expressing gratitude. Furthermore, they add that one specific aspect of gratitude that may be contributing to this mood and happiness boosting effect is that of attributing thankfulness to something outside of one’s self. Dr. Andrew Weil cites some recent research and describes some commonly used gratitude practices in his book, Spontaneous Happiness. One  of these practices is starting a gratitude journal in which every day you take some time to write down in a special place a few things that you are thankful for in your life. I personally would like to suggest doing this in a more interpersonal way, which also includes gratitude expression. That is, I recommend expressing gratitude to at least one person in your life every day, especially during the lean months of winter. While positive psychologists have demonstrated how this works in their research, I think on some level we have known this for thousands of years. Again, this is what people all over the world do on virtually all holidays, spiritual or not. Even the act of expressing thanks, or “saying grace,” is one way this practice has been culturally engrained in many societies. Besides being he norm, these customs have probably stuck around for so long for one other reason - they make us happy, and feel good. 

What are you doing to boost your Mood in late Winter?

Digital Affairs

In January's newsletter I wrote about the impact of mobile technology on relationships. Since I have received a great deal of interest and comments on the subject, I am posting the article here to welcome any further discussion. 

The more I go out to the restaurant, and the more couples I talk with, the more I am realizing that the last decade has come with a very unique challenge to many relationships. It is getting harder and harder to get together and have quality time with one another, and easier and easier to communicate via digital technology. This latter point can be a good thing, except for the fact that many are becoming so dependent on it that it is getting in the way of the little time people have left to spend with their loved ones and community. Have you seen, or even been the couple that sits at a restaurant, each person distracted by their mobile device. Both people are sitting together, but neither are actually there. Some refer to people having affairs with technology. NPR has recently been airing many stories about how smartphones, etc. can ruin relationships. I have a few points that can help preserve relationships in the mobile tech era.  

1. Beware of addiction. Texting, mobile Face-booking, Tweeting, etc, can all be addicting, probably because the immediate gratification that they grant is hard to compete with. Just like any other thing, if you’re getting feedback that it is getting in the way of any aspect of your life, you may be getting addicted.
2. Know if you are easily immersed. I know many people who feel as though they have ben web surfing, texting, or emailing for 2 minutes when it has actually been 15 or more. Immersion is a state of consciousness where awareness of physical self is diminished or lost by being surrounded in an engrossing total environment; often artificial. it is common when interacting in cyberspace and gaming, but you may also notice it from reading books or watching movies. I recommend performing your own little experiments by looking at the time before and after interacting through your digital device. If you (or your spouse) notice that much more time passed than you thought, work on setting limits with technology. 
3. Set limits with your device. This means turning your phone off no matter how important you are at work or to the people in your social cyber-network. One author who talked about a book he wrote on NPR recommended setting up a time when you go out to dinner when you both agree to check voice-mails. I recommend shutting your phone off or putting it on “airplane mode” when out to connect with a loved one. If you’re at a party, make a commitment to not use your device for at least an hour so that you can take advantage of the real social time. Lastly, give your mobile phone less priority my doing something else before checking it in the morning.

Welcome

Welcome to Modern Family Therapy's Blog! I am very pleased and excited to offer this space to share thoughts and ideas with anyone interested. Please feel welcome to post any topics or questions that you would like me or other readers to discuss here. To learn more about me, Natale Teodoro, LMFT and my clinical practice, Modern Family Therapy, please visit my website: www.modernfamilytherapy.com. Looking forward!


-Nate