Catholic Jesus, Buddha, incense, and gold

Today I was in a Catholic Church...probably for the first time in over 8 years, and as I stood in the pew and took it all in, I began to realize why I was enjoying it so much. I was surrounded by hard-wood, red carpets, frankincense, and gold. It was quiet. The vibe was formal, sacred, (and also more patriarchal than I like to admit in this case). I asked myself, "where have I felt this before, recently?" ...And then it dawned on me. The reason it felt so familiar and proximal was that about a week and a half before today I visited the international Buddhist meditation center. There, too, I had found myself surrounded by tall statues, red carpets, quiet humble silence, gold... and Buddhist centers also often burn incense.

I have always been one of the first to find common denominators between religions. Just the same, I was amazed to find these striking similarities in these two very different (or maybe no so different) religious contexts.

How many other religious sanctuaries would provide the same effect?? ...You have to wonder.

Then I wondered about all the things that the two god-heads have in common. But this wasn't about Jesus and Buddha. Many protestant churches are different from this. This was specifically about the Catholic church and the most formal Buddhist places of worship.

Here are some of my thoughts about this...

...I have heard many refer to Buddha as the Jesus of the East. Historically speaking, however, it Jesus would be the Buddha of the West. That's because the first Buddha (Siddhartha Gotama) was actually born about 500 years before Jesus. Anyway, they were both highly evolved human beings who had profound spiritual revelations and were in some ways prophets in that they directly experienced the divine and shared their wisdom with others.

... Jesus and Siddhartha Gotama were both men, and the original followers of these prophets were primarily men, and the living god-heads (like the Pope, and Tibetan Buddhism's Dalai Lama and their respective Cardinals / archbishops / priests, and monks) ...are all men.   ...making both of their religions highly patriarchal.

...Gold, red carpets, and incense: Gold is valuable, Red carpets are regal, and incense is smoke. It makes sense for us to place valuable things such as metals (like gold), around things that we value or worship. I think this is about the personification of divinity. I also think that this may tie back in some ways to patriarchy and power. (Money=Power=Control). Red carpets are not so valuable, but somehow got culturally ingrained as being associated with the sacred. We know that red is a symbol of passion, so maybe that has something to do with it, too. Lastly, in many modes of religion and spirituality, smoke is viewed as having the ability to send prayer and intention up to the gods or into the universe towards manifestation. Smell is also one of the most powerful ways that the brain makes associations. We associate the smell with the sacred. Once we smell it, we quirky become open and poised for spiritual growth.  So functionally, the smell will bring you back and open you to the sacred. Speaking of association, the same goes for gold and red. All these factors form a beautifully self-reinforcing cycle that keeps them in place, and helps these two religions stay strong.

(I final caveat.  There are many Buddhists and Christians who practice in the absence of these factors. I know and repeat this, I was focusing here on larger social and psychological trends)

...Any way you put it, it's amazing what some time in a spiritual place of worship can do for you!

UPDATE: Modern Family Therapy and Pragmatic Spirit

Greetings!
As you may have noticed above above, I have made made some changes to the Title and Description of this blog so that it better represents what I initially set out to do with it. It just took me a little more time to transform it from an abstract thought to something more daily communicated with words...

If you know anything about me, you know that I strongly believe that total wellness is physical, mental and spiritual, and that I try to live from the pou stó in my personal, social, and professional lives. I wanted to have a space to write and share and learn with others about how people are living like this, or grappling with dilemmas related to this. I hope to connect with others who get as much meaning as I do from discussing these kinds of ideas.

Best Wishes,
-Nate

"Me Time" After work

I sometimes pop into a bar after a long day of work. Often I marvel at that wide range if people - mostly people who just finished working, from what I can tell, with ties, blue collars, construction boots, to backpacks. Don't they have families? I'm sure they do, as do I. If I can back the next day, would I find all the same people? I imagine only a few are nightly regulars. I am left thinking about what people do to unwind after work, if anything. Is unwinding even needed? I will go ahead and say YES, especially of you have a family or some other continued responsibilities once you get home! Now the bar is certainly not the go-to unwind strategy, not if you need something regularly, and not if you have a family. The point is thy we should all have a few different thugs to choose from that can help to take a little "me time" before transitioning from work to family. This prevents you from suffering as well as your family from suffering from your unhappiness. I'm only talking about a couple of minutes. I am interested in hearing how you all do this....a good radio show on the way home? ... A hot shower when you get home? Maybe you get your "me time" once everyone is in bed... Either way you're probably doing something and if not I challenge you to think of something that works for you and your family ( if you have one).

Live Positively

Did you know that according to the research of positive psychologist Dr. Marc Seligman, people with pessimistic and self-blaming attribution style of explaining bad events are more likely to suffer from depression, experience hormonal and immune system changes, and are more likely to die younger?

Changing your attitude about the things that happen to you can take some time and maybe even some help from others. To get a head start, you can keep a journal of things that you are grateful for, and make sure you write something in it every day. Another thing you can do is practice self-forgiveness. If you blame yourself, focus on the thing that you did, and just make a commitment to do something different next time - this focuses your mind on your options and power to make choices. This also prevents you from mentally sealing your fate.  Lastly, I recommend beginning some kind of mindfulness based meditation practice. This will help you to become more aware of automatic thought and emotional patterns, and also to become less reactive to them. If you can do this, even if you have a tendency to shame yourself, you can see it happening, and chose to let it be a fleeting thought instead of a trap.

Acknowledging Holotropic States of Consciousness in a New Paradigm of Science - Abstract

Abstract

The current leading Newtonian-Cartesian paradigm falls short in accounting for a wide range
of data, warranting a more holistic and multidisciplinary paradigm This paper is a theoretical analysis of the current paradigm, as well as the emerging one. The classical leading paradigm is reviewed in historical context. The shortcomings and limitations of the current paradigm are described. Various books, selected journal articles, and personal observations are used to validate the necessity for a shift from the current paradigm. The emerging paradigm unites modern physics and consciousness research with ancient wisdom traditions. Fritjof Capra and Lawrence LeShan describe parallels between modern psychics and ancient wisdom traditions of the East. The works of Rhea White, Michael Harner, and Stanislav Grof are used to confirm the ubiquity  and  validity  of  holotropic  states  of  consciousness.    Grof’s  Holotropic  model  and   Hutchins’  Gnosis  model  are  described  as  two  of  the  many  holotropically  oriented  models  of  the   psyche. The support from these contemporary intellectuals sustains the argument for a necessary paradigmatic shift taken by transpersonal psychology.

(To be continued. Feel free to contact me for full citation of any works referenced)

Special Edition on Healthy Lasting Love

CRAZY LOVE

Remember teenage crushes and being “head-over-heals-in-love.” Well, if you do, you may also remember that everything that happened from about 12 to 20 years old was filled with emotional turmoil. As a teenager, anything can turn you head-over-heals. Certain things about adolescence make love and romance particularly crazy-making. This includes a spike in hormones, a brain that is not fully developed in areas of complex decision making, and not yet having a solid sense of identity. So, why might love still drive you hog-wild as an adult?

 More Growth = Better Love

It may help to keep in mind that your first love may have taken place during the time when your brain was still developing towards its adult form. Emotional pathways linked to thoughts and feelings associated with love were formed. So there is a tendency to act in those ways that are pre-programmed, so to speak. But don’t worry. You are not stuck with that teenage love-mind. Current research is demonstrating that our brains have plasticity. This means that pathways can change. This is why some adult couples still act like teenagers, and others have gotten better with age. It just takes a little work to get better at regulating emotions, knowing yourself, and balancing give with take.  

Couples Development - First, I want to say a little bit about the development of a couple’s relationship.
 Many theories about couples development say that couples develop in a way that parallels early childhood development with parents. One of my favorite theories about this is by Ellen Badder, Ph.D., and Peter T. Pearson, Ph.D., who based their work on Margaret Mahler’s theory of childhood development.  Basically, Badder and Pearson propose that a relationship starts with Symbiosis, where each person in the relationship basically merges their life with the other. This is the intense bonding in what we call the “honeymoon” phase, or feeling “madly in love.” Eventually, differences arise and a couple needs to face their differences, thus entering the second phase, Differentiation. I can tell you that theory and experience tells me that most relationships don’t make it past this point. Most people have to go through at least a few relationships before something long-term comes to be. In the next phase, couples practice doing things apart from each other. They each focus a bit more on themselves. This is called Practicing. More conflicts and power struggles can come up here. Eventually, each person will be a little more secure about who they are in the relationship, and Rapprochement occurs. Each person starts focusing more on the relationship and emotional support again. Couples in rapprochement can more easily alternate between independence and increased intimacy. As Bader and Pearson in their book, In the Quest of the Mythical Mate, 1988*, explain the later phases in couples development,“Encouraged to grow through external contacts in the world and strengthened by the knowledge that they are loved by each other, the couple may enter a later phase of constancy, in which the perfect is reconciled with the real and the stage of mutual interdependence is attained.” Here we see a balance between deep intimacy and love, and each person being secure in themselves. This is the polar opposite from couples who are co-dependent, where feelings and actions are based completely on another person, and each person in some way loses themselves. 

I like this theory because it spells out what many of us have felt as we strain and struggle to grow our relationships. It challenges the myth of “happily ever after,” and implies that commitment and honesty are critical  if a relationship is to last in a healthy way. 

David Schnarch, Ph.D. is one of the leading authors and researchers on love and intimacy. He based much of his work on Murray Bowen’s concept of differentiation. “Differentiation,” simply put, means one’s ability to think, feel, and make decisions freely on their own; being able to “balance their independence with interdependence” in a relationship (Schnarch, 2012 in press*). His most recent developments support that the happiest couples have individuals with the ability to manage their own negative feelings, balance holding one’s ground with picking one’s battles, stay mindful and in control of one’s self, and be able to get out of one’s “comfort zone.”

Life in training

I recently taught a young man how to ride a bicycle. Someone had told me it would be a lot easier to teach an adult than it would a child, since he has all of his gross and fine motor skills. Even thought he learned the skill on just a couple of hours, I was - in a somewhat nostalgic way- surprised to see that even the most basic parts of riding a bike were so foreign to this young man. From hand placement, to the act of pedaling, to the way to sit on the seat. I started thinking about the capacities that I, and many of us, may take for granted. I thought about how each and every one of us is unique in the experience and ability that we have, and how easy it may be to take this for granted. How is one to assume that the person sitting next to them on the bus, or across from them in the classroom, has the same experience in mind, in body, or in soul? This was a lesson in compassion for me. Thanks to this young man, I feel that I can be more sensitive to the easily overlooked fact that we are each on a unique journey, and the only way to truly know anyone is to ask, connect, and have an honest relationship. We are all learning to ride the vehicle of life, on our own pace, and each on our unique path with its own terrain.